Get informed : Healthy mind
Questions about healthy mind
Keeping your balance
Personal values
Values are the broad principles and frames of reference that we rely on. They emerge from personal choices and from beliefs acquired over time. Values greatly influence our way of seeing the world and interacting with people.
Values develop through experiences we’ve had or were told about by the people around us. They can change throughout our lives.
YOUR VALUES
It was only a dream! Your most secret dreams and desires often reveal a lot about your values. For example, if you dream of getting married and having children, one could conclude that you believe in marriage, family, and commitment in a relationship.
Action/reaction. When a friend tells you what they are doing, do you surprise yourself sometimes by reacting or by feeling like telling them what to do because their behaviour isn't what you think it should be? Could your values be behind this reaction?
Take the time to think about the way you behave and the way you react to things. Can you name a few values that are particularly important to you?
HOW CAN I LIVE MY VALUES?
Think about your behaviour. Is it consistent with your convictions and values? For example, if you're against violence and you insult people around you, isn't that a contradiction between your values and behaviours? What can you change so that your behaviour is consistent with the things you believe in?
Learn to know the situations you're comfortable in and the ones you're better off avoiding. You'll find it easier to stick to your guns if you make smart choices that allow you to avoid embarrassing situations.
Respect yourself. It's not always easy to act in accordance with your values! In fact, you may sometimes be tempted to behave in a way that contradicts them. But if you want to maintain your self-respect you'll stay true to your values!
Our values help us to be comfortable with our decisions and resist pressure from others. They are a part of who we are.
Values develop through experiences we’ve had or were told about by the people around us. They can change throughout our lives.
YOUR VALUES
It was only a dream! Your most secret dreams and desires often reveal a lot about your values. For example, if you dream of getting married and having children, one could conclude that you believe in marriage, family, and commitment in a relationship.
Action/reaction. When a friend tells you what they are doing, do you surprise yourself sometimes by reacting or by feeling like telling them what to do because their behaviour isn't what you think it should be? Could your values be behind this reaction?
Take the time to think about the way you behave and the way you react to things. Can you name a few values that are particularly important to you?
HOW CAN I LIVE MY VALUES?
Think about your behaviour. Is it consistent with your convictions and values? For example, if you're against violence and you insult people around you, isn't that a contradiction between your values and behaviours? What can you change so that your behaviour is consistent with the things you believe in?
Learn to know the situations you're comfortable in and the ones you're better off avoiding. You'll find it easier to stick to your guns if you make smart choices that allow you to avoid embarrassing situations.
Respect yourself. It's not always easy to act in accordance with your values! In fact, you may sometimes be tempted to behave in a way that contradicts them. But if you want to maintain your self-respect you'll stay true to your values!
Our values help us to be comfortable with our decisions and resist pressure from others. They are a part of who we are.
Self-esteem
Mirror, mirror on the wall. Self-esteem is the way you see yourself and what you think you're worth as a person. Having high self-esteem means having an accurate idea of yourself, knowing your strengths and your weaknesses, and accepting yourself, as far as possible, as you are.
Profiting from experience. Self-esteem is the outgrowth of all your experiences, both the positive ones and the less positive ones. Your experience helps you develop an idea of what you like about yourself and what you’d like to change. And your experiences and your attitude to challenges can help improve your self-esteem.
HOW CAN I IMPROVE MY SELF-ESTEEM?
Be realistic. Everyone has talents, skills, strengths, and weaknesses. Do you have a realistic idea of what yours are?
Choose what to focus on. You can decide to focus on what you're not and what you don't have, or on what you are and what you have. Which glass do you choose? The half-full one or the half-empty one?
Take the time to enjoy your successes! When you have success or do something great, do you take the time to savour the occasion, congratulate yourself, and let others compliment you?
Stretch yourself. Sometimes, the best way to stop a pattern of saying "I can't!” is to take on challenges that prove ourselves wrong and force us to change our way of seeing ourselves.
Learn from your experiences. You can choose to see things that didn’t go so well either as failures or as experiences that teach you something about yourself.
Stop comparing yourself to everybody else. Comparing yourself and envying others can cause you lots of pain. Everyone is different and has characteristics that make them unique. Why be someone’s clone?
Tone down your expectations! Everyone has weaknesses and weak spots. Are you too hard on yourself? Do you put too much pressure on yourself? Do you think you absolutely have to succeed at everything? All that pressure usually doesn't help!
Ask questions. Sometimes, we’re the worst judges of ourselves! Do you think you could find a way to ask your family and friends what they think of you?
Profiting from experience. Self-esteem is the outgrowth of all your experiences, both the positive ones and the less positive ones. Your experience helps you develop an idea of what you like about yourself and what you’d like to change. And your experiences and your attitude to challenges can help improve your self-esteem.
HOW CAN I IMPROVE MY SELF-ESTEEM?
Be realistic. Everyone has talents, skills, strengths, and weaknesses. Do you have a realistic idea of what yours are?
Choose what to focus on. You can decide to focus on what you're not and what you don't have, or on what you are and what you have. Which glass do you choose? The half-full one or the half-empty one?
Take the time to enjoy your successes! When you have success or do something great, do you take the time to savour the occasion, congratulate yourself, and let others compliment you?
Stretch yourself. Sometimes, the best way to stop a pattern of saying "I can't!” is to take on challenges that prove ourselves wrong and force us to change our way of seeing ourselves.
Learn from your experiences. You can choose to see things that didn’t go so well either as failures or as experiences that teach you something about yourself.
Stop comparing yourself to everybody else. Comparing yourself and envying others can cause you lots of pain. Everyone is different and has characteristics that make them unique. Why be someone’s clone?
Tone down your expectations! Everyone has weaknesses and weak spots. Are you too hard on yourself? Do you put too much pressure on yourself? Do you think you absolutely have to succeed at everything? All that pressure usually doesn't help!
Ask questions. Sometimes, we’re the worst judges of ourselves! Do you think you could find a way to ask your family and friends what they think of you?
Communication
Talking about what you're going through and what you’re feeling can help relieve your pain.
When you talk about things, you...
HOW CAN I COMMUNICATE?
To favour communication, you should...
When you talk about things, you...
- see things in a different light and from a different perspective
- feel other people's support and realize that you’re not alone
- feel understood
HOW CAN I COMMUNICATE?
To favour communication, you should...
- Choose whom you’d like to confide in.
- Clearly state what you expect of the other person, what you need from them, and what you'd like them to do for you. Do you want them to give you advice, go with you to a resource-person, or simply listen to you non-judgementally, without telling you what to do?
- Choose a good time for both of you.
- Be open — the more the other person knows what you’re going through, the more they can help you.
- Talk about yourself (using the "I" form) and what you're feeling, rather than accuse others of being responsible for what you're experiencing (read more here about resolving problems).
Making decisions
YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE!
When things aren’t going well or when there's an obstacle in your path, sometimes you may feel that you’ll never make it, or that you’re a victim of circumstances or someone else’s acts. But you always have the option of changing your behaviour or the way you see things.
Examples:
- You can choose to be pessimistic, or to stay in a relationship that isn't working for you any more, or decide that you're bad at this and terrible at that.
OR - You can choose to leave an abusive situation, or to communicate your needs, or to try to change a difficult situation.
Seeing every decision and thought as a choice can give you the power to change your behaviours and ways of thinking.
WHEN THERE ISN’T MUCH TO BE DONE…
If you feel that you can't do much about a situation or problem, you can always choose to move on or to change the people you see. For example, if you’re always fighting with your girlfriend or boyfriend, you can decide to stay in the relationship despite everything and live with the negative consequences, Or you can decide to leave the relationship for your own good, and move on to something new. You always have this choice.
Don’t forget — you can't ever change other people or make decisions for them. You have control over only yourself, but you have it at all times and in every situation. This control gives you the freedom to build your life and allows you to avoid situations that you're not comfortable in!
Asking for help
Sometimes your pain is so strong that confiding in a friend or parent isn't enough. When that happens, you can consult a professional — a doctor, a psychologist, a social worker, or a counsellor — who can help you work things out and identify what you want to, and are able to, change.
WHY?
A professional can help you express feelings that are hard to get out, and understand why you're having so much trouble. Depending on their specialty, they may focus on your physical health, your psychological health, or your environment.
HOW?
Choice. It’s important to find a resource person you can trust and whom you're comfortable talking to about yourself and your personal life.
Objectives. A professional will help you define objectives, as well as changes you'd like to make in your life. You'll work towards these goals together.
Take it seriously. For you to get everything you can out this process, you’ll have to take it seriously, show up for your appointments, and make changes in your daily activities.
WHERE?
You can start with your school, your local CLSC, a medical clinic, or a hospital. You can also ask professional associations or your CLSC to recommend professionals in private practice. These services are generally available more quickly, but are not free.
WHY?
A professional can help you express feelings that are hard to get out, and understand why you're having so much trouble. Depending on their specialty, they may focus on your physical health, your psychological health, or your environment.
HOW?
Choice. It’s important to find a resource person you can trust and whom you're comfortable talking to about yourself and your personal life.
Objectives. A professional will help you define objectives, as well as changes you'd like to make in your life. You'll work towards these goals together.
Take it seriously. For you to get everything you can out this process, you’ll have to take it seriously, show up for your appointments, and make changes in your daily activities.
WHERE?
You can start with your school, your local CLSC, a medical clinic, or a hospital. You can also ask professional associations or your CLSC to recommend professionals in private practice. These services are generally available more quickly, but are not free.