Get informed : Love

Partner, parents, friends. They all love the same person. So everything should go smoothly then, right? Hmm… not always. We choose our partners, but not the people in their lives.

New brooms sweep clean? We all have to adapt to the new people we spend time with. Don’t forget that that can take a while!

Separate worlds. Do you have to hang out with your partner’s friends and family if you don’t enjoy yourself?

"It’s hard for me!" It’s okay to talk to your partner about how you feel. If you talk about it, you might be able to reach a compromise, see the situation differently, or at least ease your conscience (read more here about conflict resolution)!

"I’M NOTHING WITHOUT YOU!"

Being alone can be scary, even when you have a partner. But making your partner responsible for all your hopes and for your personal value can lead to disappointment, emotional turmoil, and dissatisfaction. If you’ve ever questioned your value as a person when you’re not with your partner, this section is for you.

Signs that you may need your partner too much:

"I’ll go wherever you go!" Because you find being alone difficult, you can be tempted to do anything to keep your partner close to you.

A few things that might sound familiar:

• Go on with your friends. I’ll just stay here by myself and be bored like usual.
• If you keep seeing your friends, I’m going to leave you!
• If you stay with me instead of going to see your friends, I won’t ever ask you for anything else.

"Do what you want with me..." Do you feel a need to do EVERYTHING and to be EVERYTHING for the other person?

A bottomless pit. Do you feel empty and lonely when your partner's not there?

"I only want to be with you!" Have you stopped seeing your friends and family to be with your partner?

A thousand kisses. Do you need your partner to constantly prove their love for you?

"Never without you!" Are you staying in the relationship even if it’s no longer what you want it to be?

If this sounds familiar, try to identify the problem clearly:

• When does it happen? ("When she's with her friends.").
• What do you feel? (“I’m sad because I feel like he likes being with his friends more than with me.”).
• Is this costing you a lot? (“She gets angry and starts yelling at me when I…”).
• What do you want and how can you get it? (“I need to be reassured that he loves me. Maybe I should remind myself of the little things he's done for me”).
• Are you expressing yourself clearly? (“I need to know that you love me, even if you feel like spending times with your friends. How can we meet both our needs?”).

"I'M BEING SMOTHERED WITH LOVE!"

A few things to think about:

"What about me?" Do you feel that your needs are respected? It’s okay to express your feelings, too.

It takes two to tango! If you’re always reassuring your partner, are you covering up the problem? You can’t always do everything for your partner.

Off limits! Everyone’s got boundaries and things they want to keep private, even in romantic relationships. What are yours? How do you communicate this?

Together it’s better! What are you willing to do to improve the situation, without taking on everything by yourself?

You can ask for professional help. Call Tel-jeunes!

"YOU’RE MINE!"

Feeling that your partner is bothered by the attention you receive from someone else can be flattering at first, because it seems to demonstrate their attachment to you. But jealous behaviour isn't proof of love.

A few examples of jealous behaviour:

• Punishing a partner by pouting
• Calling their pager or cell, or calling their friends' house, several times a day
• Questioning them: "Where were you?" "What were you doing?" "With whom?" “Were you really with them? Do you have proof? Can I check?”

"I'M BEHAVING JEALOUSLY. WHAT SHOULD I DO?"

When does it happen? For example, “When they go out with their friends without me.”

Do you have proof? What exactly makes you doubt them?

Having your own life, friends, and activities helps get your mind off things!

"I have this movie playing in my head…" Imagining scenes in which your partner cheats and lies won’t help. Why not change the channel?

Sharing. Take the time to talk to and listen to your partner.

Against the grain. If your behaviour seems to be leading you towards a break-up, why not try other options?

Talk to an adult, a professional, or Tel-jeunes.


"WHY DON’T THEY BELIEVE ME?"

A few thoughts for partners:

Your secret garden. You don’t have to give in to all your partner's requests or justify everything. You have the right to have your own personal life and so do they.

Life goes on. Would you be comfortable avoiding activities or friends to please your partner? And would that really solve the problem?

Together, it’s better! You can help your partner by asking them what they expect of you all the while respecting your own limits.

Talk to an adult, a professional, or Tel-jeunes.