Get informed : Violence
questions about violence
What is violence?
What is violence?
Violence is the adoption:
Violence or conflict. Fortunately, not every conflict leads to violence! We all can find ourselves in situations in which we disagree with other people or have different desires and needs. After all, every person is different! Conflicts can break out in these situations, and we can end up disagreeing, even arguing. But we can always find a way to talk, compromise, forgive, or try to move on, so that everyone’s relationship with each other grows rather than deteriorates.
Violence or authority. You may sometimes feel like that the only role of certain adults you know, such as your parents and teachers, is to forbid, limit, or constrain you. But their role is really to guide you and provide you with structure, to allow you to develop your sense of responsibility. This is very different from violent behaviour; the objective is to help you grow, not constrain you.
You can’t judge a book by its cover. Violence can be committed by strangers, friends, members of your family, people you know, or neighbours. Violence can even come from people you trust.
- Of a behaviour (words or actions) intended to control or exert power over another person
- Of a behaviour that may inflict physical or psychological pain
Violence or conflict. Fortunately, not every conflict leads to violence! We all can find ourselves in situations in which we disagree with other people or have different desires and needs. After all, every person is different! Conflicts can break out in these situations, and we can end up disagreeing, even arguing. But we can always find a way to talk, compromise, forgive, or try to move on, so that everyone’s relationship with each other grows rather than deteriorates.
Violence or authority. You may sometimes feel like that the only role of certain adults you know, such as your parents and teachers, is to forbid, limit, or constrain you. But their role is really to guide you and provide you with structure, to allow you to develop your sense of responsibility. This is very different from violent behaviour; the objective is to help you grow, not constrain you.
You can’t judge a book by its cover. Violence can be committed by strangers, friends, members of your family, people you know, or neighbours. Violence can even come from people you trust.
The types of violence
Physical violence:
- Is the use of physical force to hurt someone
- Is the most visible type of violence
- May take various forms: throwing something, pushing, hitting, slapping...
- Is an attack on another person’s personal value, self-esteem and self-confidence
- Makes the other person feel guilty, inferior, or scared
- Is the least visible form of violence and is more difficult to detect, but nevertheless leaves long-lasting scars
- May take many forms: insults, threats, humiliation, rejection, taunting, rumours, nasty comments...
- Is the use of control to force another person to engage in sexual acts
- Is the subjection of someone to unwanted words, acts, or comments of a sexual nature
- May take many forms: verbal humiliation with sexually charged words, forced kissing, exposure to sexual scenes, touching, non-consensual sexual relations...
- Is the use of control to gain access to a person’s money or possessions, or to prevent their access to these things
- May take many forms: stealing money or credit cards, selling someone’s things without their knowledge, forcing someone to buy something for yourself, running up debts in someone else’s name...
- Is the conscious ignoring of the physical, psychological, and emotional needs of a person, the conscious failure to ensure the safety of someone under one’s care, or the failure to ensure the development of well-being of someone under one’s care
- May take many forms: withholding affection, being unavailable to respond to the emotional and safety needs of a child or adolescent, failing to provide a child or adolescent with food or clothing, failing to ensure necessary hygiene, abandoning a child or adolescent...
The cycle of violence
Once, twice, three times... A person who commits a violent act does not automatically repeat the cycle of violence. However, when that person realizes that violence is not only possible but also an “effective” means of reaching their goals or satisfying their needs, they may decide to resort to it again. It is then that the cycle of violence may begin.
The stages of the cycle of the violence:
The stages of the cycle of the violence:
- Tension. Many everyday situations can cause tension. We may disagree with a friend, parent, girlfriend, or boyfriend. Frustration can occasionally occur in any relationship, but its escalation can be avoided if one expresses oneself and smoothes things out (read more here about problem resolution strategies). However, some people may, for various reasons, develop a great deal of tension.
- Aggression. Sometimes it only takes one straw to break the camel’s back — but that straw can be an apparently trivial event or comment. When that happens, it’s like the explosion of a dormant volcano. The person may feel powerless, lose control, and choose to use violence to attempt to regain power. The person who is the victim is often shaken, and feels diminished and at a loss.
- Justification. This is the stage at which two people involved in something serious attempt to find justifications. It’s a time of big emotions, excuses, explanations, and arguing.
- Remission. This is a honeymoon period, a time of promises, attention, and hope. One convinces oneself that it will never happen again.
Victims of violence - girls only?
Common misconception. In our society, many people believe that only girls are the victims of violence. But that’s not true. Guys can also be victims of physical, psychological, or sexual violence.
Help. If you’re a guy and you have experienced violence, don’t hesitate to seek help.
Help. If you’re a guy and you have experienced violence, don’t hesitate to seek help.
Violence in your life
If you’re experiencing violence, you may need help because:
- You’re suffering
- The episodes of violence are increasingly more frequent and intense, and you’re unable to escape the vicious circle of violence on your own
- You’d like to be supported and feel less alone
- Learn how to manage your emotions differently
- Develop non-violent ways of responding to your needs and attaining your objectives
- Tolerate other people’s choices and accept that the fact that you can’t control other people’s choices does not in any way reduce your power over you own life (read more here about ways to help yourself if you commit acts of violence)
- Learn to stand up for yourself concerning the violence you witness
- Support the person who has experienced violence, and help them get help
- Avoid taking all the responsibility on your own shoulders, and ending up with the other’s person’s problem becoming your own problem (read more here about what you can do to help a friend or another person who is a victim of violence).