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[ Mom is lying to me :( ]

hotmess - girl - 12 ans (25 March 2014)

My mom is lying to me. Once I woke up and found out my mom had been seeing a man at night. He was always there shirtless in the basement. I really hate him, but im not sure why. He never did anything to me except lie on the couch with my mom. Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night to the tv being on. Theyre either talking or watching tv. Once i could have sworn they were having sex. i dont know why i hate this man. Do i have the right to hate him? he doesnt want to meet me. hes scared, and i know that because my mom said so. i have talked to my mom about this a lot but she always invites him over again when im asleep. Once i also read their texts (long story; not enough characters to describe it) and they called eachother baby and honey. I really dont know what this is but i dont want him in my life AT ALL

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello!


I just read your message; I understand that you're going through a lot of emotions. Let's take a look at the situation ok?


It is often difficult for children to see or discover that their parents are having a lover. They need time and go through many emotions in the process of this new reality. I want you to know that it's normal that you find this situation difficult. You have the right to feel anger, sadness, etc. You don't " have " to like this man. Ok?


You mention hating him, but not being sure why. You know, our feelings can be related to thoughts, to fears, etc. For example, some children will talk about their fear of losing their parent or losing their place in their parent's heart, etc. What do you think about your mom having a love life? Are you scared of something?


You know, we don't have control over our parent's love life. They are our parents, but also people. Your mother can meet someone that she likes and that she wants to develop a relationship with. Do you agree with me? Still, we can find ways to cope with the situation. Some children will propose to their parents to keep a special moment to be alone together. For example, it can be one evening every week or a moment in the weekend, etc. Others will ask to meet with the person, others will ask for some time to feel ready, etc. We can also talk with our parent about how we feel. And you, what could help you right now? Do you have ideas about what could help you deal with this situation?



I really do hope my answer will encourage you. Please feel welcome to write us back if you feel like it!

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