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[ Should i forgive my best friend for doing what she did? ]

drizzy<3 - girl - 13 ans (7 August 2011)

Hello, recently i had a huge fight with my best friend. We've been best friends since 4th grade and now we're in secondary 2. Its been about 2 months that i havent spoken to her, ive been trying to avoid her. She had called me numerous names, as did i but not as bad as hers and we havent spoken since. Until today when she sent me a paragraph of how sorry, and empty she was feeling without me and missed me so much. I didnt know whether i should forgive her or not. Also she has had a small past of lying but nothing important just very small things, which i think shes also influenced by her older sister on that. And my mom doesnt want to see me be friends with her again because she thinks shes a bad friend, but the truth is she isnt...i now her like a book shes such a good person and shes always been by my side. I guess the reason i dont know if i should forgive her is because my mom has influenced my opinion if it werent for her, i would forgive her. So what do you think i should do?

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hi drizzy<3,

Friendships can be kind of complicated sometimes.

In any type of relationships there can and probably will be ups and downs. When we are mad, we can tend to say hurtful things to the people we love and regret it afterwards. Saying to someone your sorry is as hard as forgiving someone. Both people have to accept things that have been done and get passed them in order to continue the relationship. Do you agree with me drizzy<3?

In order to truly forgive someone, we need to make sure we have no resentement left towards that person whichwe might eventually hold up against her. Do you understand what I mean by that? In other words, if you hold a grudge against a friend you said you forgave, you haven't really forgiven her. Do you think you can truly forgive your friend for what happened? Do you think you owe her an apology as well for the things you said, even though they weren't as bad?

Other peoples opinions have an impact on what we think of others. The best person at the end of the day to judge what actions we should take is really ourselves. Don't you agree? We can consider other peoples opinions and reflect on why that person has such an opinion on that person. What exactly makes your mother thing that your friend isn't a good one? What are the things you would agree and disagree about her opinion of your friend? How does each of those agreements and disagreements make you feel about your relationship?

I will let you reflect on what I said. If you have anymore questions don't hesitate to call or write us back. We are available 24/7.


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