Young people’s questions

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[ Friends ]

yodude - girl - 14 ans (6 October 2008)

Me and my best friend used to be really close but then last year a new girl came and we both became friends with her but this year i feel really left out of the two of them and today i asked my best friend to borrow her gym cloths and she said she couldn't and then she lent them to my other friend. i feel really left out but i think it will sound babyish if I tell her.

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hi Yodude ! Friendship can sometimes be very complicated. You feel left out and worry that you would sound immature to talk to her about it. How would talking about your feelings be immature? Don’t you think it’s more the way you choose to express yourself than what you would like to tell her that might be inappropriate? Do you know how to assert yourself without sounding like a victim? One easy way to express yourself and to set an open climate is to use the “I” form. First, you describe the situation and what you felt after. Then you explain what your wishes are. Here's an example to help you: “I would like to talk to you about something that makes me worry. When you lent… I felt… I would like…”. After expressing yourself, it’s important that you take time to listen to what your friend has to say. That means that you could be disappointed with her answer. You have to understand that we unfortunately have no control over people choices and minds. We can only change our reactions, choices and feelings. Do you understand? If she doesn’t react the way you would like, what will you do to take care of yourself? Is there someone that could support you? If you have any questions about friendship, don’t hesitate to write again or visit our website. You will find a lot of helpful information. Take care Yodude !

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