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[ I get along with my best friend's boyfriend but now me and my best friend fight all the time ]

snezz790 - girl - 18 ans (9 August 2008)

My best friend got a boyfriend about 3 weeks ago. It took me about 2 weeks to get used to her having a boyfriend because she hasnt had a boyfriend for over a year until a few weeks ago. My best friend and I formed a really strong friendship when she didnt have a boyfriend for that one year.But anyways, when all three of us are together, we have a fun time, but when its just me and my best friend, we fight about her boyfriend and how much time she is spending with her boyfriend instead of me.I'm leaving for college in about 2 weeks, and i just think she should spend more time with me then him. Me and my best friend have been best friends for 5 years now and dont want the friendship to go cold because of the fighting.what should i do?

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello snezz790,

I understand this friend is important for you!

Friendship is a great thing and, like any relationship, it can bring its share of conflict. As we grow older, many events or changes will influence our relation with our friends. Even when we get along wonderfully, we still are different people with different needs, expectations, or vision. Do you agree with me?

Love is also something that can influence the friendship. It’s normal that a new boyfriend/girlfriend can affect the amount of time spend together. And it’s normal that the other friend can feel lost or angry about it. Adjusting to change takes some time and it’s not always comfortable. Do you understand what I mean?

You don’t have control on your friend’s behaviour (or her on yours). But you have control on how you choose to react in order to feel better. If you can’t change your friend, how do you want to deal with this situation? What could make you feel better?

You mention that discussions about the amount of time spent with her boyfriend only leads to fights. Do you feel like you have control on this aspect of the situation?

Have you talked about you are feeling? Does your friend know? Can you both find a compromise that could be good for both of you? How both of you want to deal with this conflict? Can you find a moment that is only for both of you, even if it’s not as often as you wish?

I understand it’s not easy for you. Do you express these feelings? Do you have other friends that you could talk to? Have you thought about other activities that could help you change your mind?

I let you think about it. We are always available for you!

Tel-jeunes

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