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[ I can't find a best friend ]

jacqueline - girl - 15 ans (11 January 2009)

I cant find a bestfriend that i can hang out with [cause they're not allowed] and share secrets with. On weekends, i'm stuck at home all by myself [im an only child. I dont think my friends will ever change because they have strict parents. Its really hard to make new friends at my current school because most people are kinda unfriendly and I can never really find someone that understands me well. i've tried joining clubs and extracirricular activities but still havent found anyone and it gets really frustrating

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello jacqueline,

I read your message with great attention; this situation is important to you.

The vision or definition of a best friend can be different from person to person. First, I would like to know what your definition of friendship is. Tell me, how do you see a best friend? What is it for you? And if you had this person in your life, what would be different? How would you feel?

We don’t have the power to choose when we’ll find a person with whom we will develop a strong connection. You mention having done a lot of efforts so far to find a best friend. Tell me, what are your expectations exactly? Are you looking for a best friend right away? Are you looking for people that you find interesting? Are you looking for people that share the same interests in life?

A friend can bring us a lot of joy and we can share a lot of things. Still, a friend doesn’t have the power to change us or to make us feel better. That force comes from inside of us. Do you see what I mean?

A friendship is a connection with another person that evolves with time. It is not something that we control in the sense that we can’t force friendship. It is normal that friendship takes a while to develop; we don’t become best friend instantly with someone. What is your attitude toward people that you find interesting? For example, do you try to talk with them? Do you give yourself the chance to discover who’s around you, little by little? Do you give other people the chance and the time to discover you?

I can’t go further within the limits of an email. This gives you something to think about. I want to know Tel-jeunes is always available by phone if you feel the need to talk. Ok?

Take care Jacqueline!


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