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[ losing a friend ]

california - girl - 15 ans (13 January 2009)

my best friend of 3 years and i recently arent as close. we used to do everything together and call eachother everyday even though we dont go to the same school. we just went on vacation together and we had a couple little fights that were resolved quickly. now, we hardly talk, we go for long periods of time without even saying anything to eachother. its just very awkward and tense, and it feels very fake.i started realizing that there were some qualities that i dont like about her, but i am still willing to be bff! i didnt confront her about this but now we dont even talk. she says its because she's too "busy", but i happen to know that she is making plenty of time for her other friends. how could she do this to me? we cared about eachother more than sisters do, and 2 months ago i couldnt imagine us not being best friends, but now, its like she doesnt even care about me at all. shes is not showing any effort or interest in the friendship. i cannot help feeling abandoned, replaced, and disappointed. i thought we would always be best friends. but now, we're not at all. its like were two aqquaintances. why did this happen? how could we go from being SO close to not being close at all in just a short period of time? i know i did not do anything to provoke this, it is so out of the blue. why doesnt she care about me like she used to anymore? how could we not be friends after all we went through together?

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello california! I understand this is a difficult situation for you.

You’re wondering how the situation can be so different from what it used to be between your best friend and yourself. I would really like to tell you what happened, to give you a clear and precise explanation, but unfortunately, I can’t. Sometimes, situations happen and can change our friendship. Remember that as we grow up, we change and evolve, just like our friendships. Tell me, since when do you feel like your friendship has changed? Since you went on vacation together? Sometimes, after a vacation, we need to take some distance from the other person. But it doesn’t mean that this distance will stay forever! Tell me california, what have you done to feel better? In any kind of situation, remember that talking about it can help. Have you tell your friend how you feel? Does she know you feel like she doesn’t care? It’s important to talk about our emotions, about how we feel, about how we would like the situation to be. This way, there is less chance that the other person will feel accused. What do you think? Talking about it is the first step. After, we can take it one step at a time, we can propose activities to the other person, and we can try to show that we are still interested in that friendship. To help, I invite you to have a look at the FRIENDS section of our website.

Don’t hesitate to call us directly if you feel the need to talk to a counsellor. We’re there for you 24/7 at 1 800 263-2266. Take care!

Tel-jeunes

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