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[ is it his fault or is it mine? ]

creme-frappe - girl - 15 ans (5 January 2011)

Hi Tel Jeunes! I hope you can help me. =) A guy likes me. However, I don't like him back and told him so already a few times yet he persists. I don't really know him because we don't talk to each other, yet he's liked me for 4 years now. Technically we can't be considered as "friends". Now that he admits that he likes me, he is always trying to get hold of me on instant messaging, at school... etc. I don't know why, but now he starts to shoot back at me somewhat hurtful words that make me feel guilty such as how "he made a total fool of himself believing that there is hope" and that he heard from his friend that I won't give him a shot, not even the smallest chance.I'm not sure but what he said seemed hurtful. Is it my rejection that insulted him that made me deserve his hateful words? therefore, I always feel intimidated uncomfortable and tensed talking to him yet he wants me to talk to him more often so that we can become "friends". But just as I mentioned earlier, he would start making our conversations awkward and uncomfortable... Is it my fault for rejecting him or is it his fault for persisting so hard that it's making me uncomfortable? Please help me =( Thank you!

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello creme-frappe!

I understand that you’re not comfortable with the behaviour of your friend. Unfortunately, some people that are hurt act in a negative way to get attention from us or to express the pain they have inside. But, it's really important to keep in mind that we have the choice to love who we want and we have the possibility to choose our relationships. It's our responsibility to deal with our emotions, even when we suffer. That means that you have no responsibility upon the fact that your friend loves you but you don't loves him back. You understand?

Nobody deserves to be treated in an unrespectable way. Respect is always the rule to obey. Your friend doesn't have the right to threat you in a non respectable way. Even if it's painful, we have the obligation to act with politeness with someone that doesn't love us back. You say in your e-mail that you always feel intimidated uncomfortable and tensed talking to him. Does you friend knows how you feel? When we don't feel good about something, it’s better to talk to the person that is concern with the situation. What do you think about that?

Ultimately, we have the power to be with people that we want to be with. We choose the people that are our friend. If we always feel bad in presence of someone, we can ask ourselves if we need this kind of friendship. I’m going to let you think about that. Feel free to call us anytime, we are here to help! Take care.

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