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[ A guy (secondary5) that wants me and i want him (secondary2) ]

AxisChIxX - girl - 13 ans (23 January 2012)

There is this 16 year old guy and were talking about masturbation. I told him that i wanted to give him a 'handjob' and i would have sex with him but the next day i said that i didnt want to anymore. Now it has been about a month and i really want to have oral and 'handjob' but not 'sex' and sometimes i dont, but now we arnt as friends as we were before because now it is awkward, and i think i made him excited when we were talking but i got him mad and ignoring me because i said i didnt Want to do anything the next morning but i regret it in some way. Should i tell him that i want to do stuff with him? Because sometimes i want and other times i dont

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hi AxisChIxX! I understand your concerns.

How to know if you’re ready? Should you tell the guy you are interested in that you want to experience things with him? Those are very personal questions and you’re the only one who can answer them. Making love or having sexual contacts are acts of intimacy, and it's something you should only do if you want to, if you believe it’s the right time and that you’re with the right partner, and only if no one is obliging you to do so. When you feel ready, the idea of making love or having sexual contacts will no longer worry or scare you. That being said, do you think it's the right time? Do you think he is the right guy? How did you imagine your first experiences? Is everything in place?

You know, even if the desire to experience sexuality is there, that doesn't mean it's the right time to do it. You have your personal values, your friends have their values and your partner will have his values. Regardless of your feelings or of your desire, it’s up to you to define what type of romantic and sexual relationship you want. Would you prefer keeping things to kissing and caressing for the time being because you’d like to get to know your partner better first, or do you feel ready for mutual masturbation? Would you prefere to experience those things with someone you love and who doesn't get mad if you say no? Everyone’s different, so in order to have a satisfying sexual relationship, you need to express your preferences and limits to your partner. Your partner needs to respect your choices and not pressure or coerce you into changing your values in order to do what he wants. Communication is very important and will help you, if possible, to reach a middle ground that will suit you both. Listen to your heart and go at your own pace. You have the right to not feel ready or to not feel like engaging in sex. Does that help you?

That being said, did you know that as a general rule, the legal age of sexual consent is 16? That means that if you decide to have sex now with a 16 year old, you and him may have to face consequences because you don't have the age to consent.

I hope these reflexions will help you. If you want to discuss with a counselor, feel free to call : 1-800-263-2266

Have a good day,

Tel-jeunes

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