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[ Break-up ]
My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. He called me afterward crying and telling me he felt terrible... so he asked me to meet with him and we would talk about it. When we got together the next day (today), he was very affectionate. He was hugging me and we kissed. At this point i felt like we were getting back together... we then proceeded to have sex. I soon realized he STILL didn't want to be with me. So basically, we had sex and... well, stayed broken up. I feel so guilty for giving myself to somebody who didn't love me anymore, and I'm having a lot of trouble forgiving myself for doing such a thing. Also, the fact that we had sex gave me false hope for us getting back together. I feel like i shouldn't even have gone to meet him. I have been crying ever since I got home, not only because i feel bad about what i did, but because i realized that no matter how hard i try... he won't be coming back to me. Also, i am angry because of the fact that he called me crying, showed me affection by hugging and kissing me, and had sex with me AFTER we broke up. That made me feel like it would work out and we will get back together. Does he still have feelings for me? my mind is just racing. please help. thank you
Hi danyx3,
I understand that being heart-broken can be hurtful.
You know danyx3, a break-up usually starts a process of grieving. While living a grief process, we usually go through different steps: facing the fact that the relationship is over, anger, guilt, sadness and finally acceptance. We might experience those steps in a different order or we might even have mixed feelings. Do you understand? You wrote that you just realized that no matter how hard you would try, he would not come back with you and that you have been crying a lot, right? At which step do you think you are? How are you feeling at the moment?
You are asking yourself if your ex still has feelings for you, isn't it? You know danyx3 there are different kinds of feelings. There is love, but also friendship, tenderness, desire, sexual attractiveness, etc. How do you think he feels for you? The only person who has the answer to that question is your ex. Would you like to ask him? Are you ready to hear his answer? Moreover, someone might still have feelings for us, but will not want to get back into a relationship. It can also happen that someone would like to have sex with their usual partner, but don't want to have a relationship. There are plenty of options. How could you interpret your ex's behaviours?
You wrote that you are feeling guilty for giving yourself to someone who does not love you anymore, right? You also wrote that you have trouble forgiving yourself, isn't it? When you chose to gave yourself to him, did you know that he did not want to get back with you? Has he done anything in order to make you believe that you would be coming back together? Which responsibility do you think you have in that situation? Which responsibility has your ex?
You know danyx3, we always have choices. For instance, we can see a situation like a mistake, but we can also see it as a learning opportunity. Have you learn anything from that experience? What can you do in order to avoid this type of experience in the future? How would you like to react next time? We can also give ourselves the right to make mistake. We sometimes need to make mistakes in order to learn and to grow up. We can't always do things right the first time. Do you agree? How would you like to see that experience danyx3? In which way could you see it in order to be able to forgive yourself?
I will let you think about it. It is possible to visit our website, to write back or to call us in order to talk with a professional anytime. For instance, there is more information about grieving and break-ups at the following addresses: http://en.teljeunes.com/get-informed/healthy-mind/grief, http://en.teljeunes.com/get-informed/love/breaking-up. Our services are free and confidential. We are there for you.
Take care danyx3
Tel-jeunes