Young people’s questions

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[ love ]

Nick - girl - 14 ans (29 September 2008)

i have a friend whos in love with me. i love him but more like a big brother than as a boyfriend though i do get those butterflies when i see him.hes my best friend and im scared that it would ruin our relationship if we go out together and it doesnt work.all our friends say we are meant to be and try to rush us into a relationship but it intimidates me and i dont want to go out wih him (yet, maybe).and to top it all one of my friends loves him so were in this love triangle thing... what to do???

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello Nick, it’s sometimes confusing when we feel forced to make a decision to turn a good friendship into a love relationship. You tell me you feel butterflies inside, what goes on in your mind when you see him? Did you talk to him about your feelings? Would you like to know him more in an intimate way?

Sometimes, when we have a tough decision to make, it can be helpful to figure every positive and negative outcome for each possibility. One sure thing that is that we can’t predict what will happen in the future. That means that on one side, going out with him could mean loosing a good friend. On the other side, if you decide not to go out with him, it could mean missing a great love relationship. In fact, in each option, you will be forced to make a decision and to face consequences. What is more important for you?

You say that people pressure you to match with him. Did you tell them how that makes you feel? How could you assert yourself? One way to do so without being rude is to express how you feel and say what you expect in the future. Here is an example to help you: “When you guys tell me I should… I feel intimidated and… I ask you to please stop talking to me about this issue. My love life is my own business.” Was that helpful?

If you decide to go out with him, unfortunately you will not have power over your friend emotional reaction. She will have to deal with her own issues, even tough I understand that you worry for her. On your side, if the outcomes are negatives, what will you do to take care of yourself? If you need more ideas to make a decision, check our website in the LOVE and FRIENDS sections. Do not hesitate to call us or write us again. Take care,

Tel-jeunes

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