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[ My ex ]

lilikoi19 - girl - 16 ans (3 January 2009)

Alright, so I was with this guy for 8 months and I fell for him harder then I have any other guy. Well, my problem is, he dumped me but not for another girl or anything. But he does this kinda breaking up with me for a day kinda thing then wants to go back out. I know he really loves me and he tells me on a daily basis. I just can't get hurt anymore. Our last break up he said some terrible things. Now, I'm just worried he's going to try to make me jealous somehow and I can't deal with that kind of thing. I just really want to know how to get over him. Everyone tells me to hangout with my girls and what not and do things I love but honestly none of that is working. How do I get over him? I miss him so much and nights are even harder because I think about him more and become more paranoid. Honestly, I kinda want him back. And since we've done this whole breakup thing before I think there might still be hope. He dumps me because he thinks he's not good enough for me but in the end still wants me. He's really confused and has trust issues but I don't want them to be with me. I'm just lost... please help?

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello lilikoi19,

Love isn’t always simple; it’s a good idea to ask for help!

I perceive from your message that you feel confused lilikoi19; you mention wanting to know how to get over him and, at the same time, wanting him back. Which is completely normal; it is not so easy to make up our mind about a relationship. Our heart and our head might not agree.

People, situations, feelings aren’t black or white. There are so many things in between. A person isn’t completely bad or negative. It’s the same thing with a relationship. There are the problems, the conflicts, the hurt, etc. But there is also love, the good times, etc. Do you agree with me? That’s why it is sometimes hard to take a decision.

To help us, we can keep in mind that love isn’t only ingredient in a relationship. To be happy, to feel fulfilled we need more then that. We have needs, visions, values and limits. What is your vision of a relationship? What are your needs? How do you want to feel with a boyfriend?

You mention “I just can’t get hurt anymore”. What does it mean for you? What are the inconveniences on this relationship? Do you want to write them down?

We don’t have any power on our partner’s behaviour or feelings. You can’t guess if he’s ever going to change. The only thing you control is yourself: your own needs thoughts and actions. What kind of relationship are you looking for right now? If you go back with him, would you be willing to accept the possibility that the situation hasn’t change between you? And if you don’t go back, would you be ready to give yourself some time in order to live this heartbreak?

One last thing, I think it’s important that you know it’s normal to feel sad and to miss someone that we love when we aren’t so sure about what we want. I think you’re the only person who can find your answer about your relationship. I don’t know how much time you have given yourself so far. Do you feel like you might need more?

I let you think about it!


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