Young people’s questions

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[ relationships ]

Lou3 - girl - 16 ans (21 August 2008)

Me and my boyfriend have been going out for over a year and we were perfect and completely happy for a long time but we have had a lot of problems. We've both lied and cheated on each other. But we got over it and moved on and now we've been fighting constantly and we don't even know why but we can't go five minutes without getting in an arguement about things that don't even matter. I love him I really do but what should I do? Do I try to move on or try to fix things? And how do I fix things? Every time we try talking I can't stand it I just want him to leave. It seems like when he's not with me I feel like I can't live without him but when he's around me I can't stand him. I'm so confused.

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello Lou3,

It’s normal to sometimes feel mixed up with our feelings.

You know, a relationship is always in transformation. It’s impossible to stay exactly at the same point for a long time. We change, the other person changes. Sometimes we evolve on the same path, sometimes not. I find you are the best person to decide whether this relationship still gives you what you are looking for. Do you agree with me?


Actually, I want to return some questions back to you. What do you want? Do you feel like putting efforts in “fixing things”? How do you feel? Do you feel like both of you are growing apart?

What is your definition of fixing things? How do you see a solution? If there was no more fights by tomorrow, would you still feel like you can’t stand him?

Also, to find solutions in a relationship; the two people have to put in some efforts and to agree. What does your boyfriend think about it? So far, what have you tried?

I know it sometimes can be hard to accept, but time is a precious friend. In the sense that sometimes we do need some time to figure out what we want, what we are looking for and what we don’t want.

When we feel lost, we can push and push in order to find an answer… and feel frustrated because it doesn’t happen. Sometimes we need to accept the fact that we, yes we just don’t know what to do.

But what could help you? The answer is different for everyone. Some might seek space and time without the partner. If you take a few days or weeks without seeing your boyfriend, do you think you might see if you’re still interested or not? Would it give you the chance to see how you feel?


I let you continue thinking… But we are always available for you,

Tel-jeunes

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