Young people’s questions

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[ Complicated ]

noname - boy - 17 ans (20 February 2012)

there this girl that i loved or i dont know how to call it anymore,it all started almost Last Year,we kind had a thing together we used to talk on msn,facebook sometimes at school and there was this time we were at my friends house we watched a movie and we kind of kiss after that day she told me that it wasnt gonna work out, because she doesnt know if she has feeling for me since then we stopped talking and like she started to like some1 else and after that this time we started to talk again like before even tho i knew something was gonna happen i told my self that i would give it an second chanche if things would workout so then it went all good but after she started telling me that she doesnt know if she loves me she thinks im more t han just a friend and she realised that she loves me more than a friend but not a lot of love?!,she tried thinking about us what could happen but she tried but it never work out,since then i dont know what to do this girl is really special but like i wanna know what can i do?i even told her if she cant decide whats gonna be i might stop talking to her cuzz i dont fall for her tricksss,is she using me?

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello noname,

It would be great sometimes if we had the ability to read into somebody’s mind, so we would know right away what’s going on… Don’t you think so? But it’s still impossible!

In any relationship, we don’t have power on the other’s thoughts, feelings, actions or reactions. In this situation, neither you nor I have the power to read what’s inside this girl’s head. You can think of all the possibilities, but you still won’t have a definitive answer. Only her knows what she really feels for you. Do you see what I mean?

In fact, we only have power on ourself (our thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions). So we can choose what we want to do if we aren’t comfortable in a situation. What do you feel like doing right now? How do you feel about getting mixed responses? Do you feel comfortable in this situation? What if nothing changes... What would you do then? Do you feel comfortable putting more energy in this relationship?

You also mention being confused about that girl. What could help you? Here are a couple of examples of things you can do to be more confortable: writing her a note or having a talk about it, letting her know how confused you are and how confusing is her behaviour, taking a distance, letting time pass by, try to move on, etc. Do you have any other ideas? Everyone can make a decision according to themselves. You’re the only one who can find out what you feel comfortable with.

I’ll let you think about it. But we are always available if you have other questions! Take care!

Tel-jeunes

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