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[ Break up,how to deal with it? ]

Sabrina_sama - girl - 15 ans (5 October 2014)

Before I met him,I didn't care about love...he was my friend at first..but then I started having feelings for him,and him for me,my parents didn't like him but I started going out with him anyways,he was and still is my first love.I never felt so happy but when I was with was almost like magic...we went out for a month (from August 11 to sept 11) he broke up because he is 16 and next summer (2015) he will be moving to Montreal with his BFF(whom he slept with before..more than once,but never actually dated)and be said that he wanted to break up before things got to serious so it wouldn't be as hard on me..I'm the first girl with whom he broke up usually they would break up.before we even started going out,we had promised to stay friends if we were to break up,but he's been acting cold towards me,he started hanging out with another girl and I feel like I'm the only one doing the effort to stay friends I don't know if he still want to be friends...and I can't seem to be able to forget about hurts the break up is really painful..I don't know what to do my parents want me to stop trying to stay friends..but I want to stay friends if possible..

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hi Sabrina_sama,

I understand this boy is special to your heart.

Heartbreak isn't a "logical" process; it's emotional. When our first love breaks up with us it's normal to go through many different feelings; for example disbelief, hope, anger, sadness, eventually accepting the situation. We can first allow our self to have these emotions. It's ok and normal if you can't forget him right now; it's part of your process into this situation. Our heart can need some time to live all of it. Do you agree with me? Here's a link to our breakup rubric on our web site. We can find lots of detailed info you might find interesting.

I also understand from your message that you feel lost about his reactions. You know, we don't have any power or control over somebody else's reactions or decisions. It's important to listen to us; to what we are feeling inside in order to decide what we want to do.
Friendship is a mutual relationship. Both people have to participate to maintain the relation active. You mention feeling like the only one making efforts in your friendship. In that kind of situation some people will choose to continue trying, others will send the message that they have done enough efforts and will wait for reciprocity and other will simply stop communicating with the person. And you, what do you feel like doing?

I'll let you think about it. We are always available for you!


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