Young people’s questions

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You can read others’ question on various subjects.

[ Sex or love ? ]

lola - girl - 15 ans (17 November 2012)

Hi there! So, I've been dating this guy for three weeks. And already I'm kind of uncomfortable with the fact that I have to picture myself losing my virginity with him. He's doing these lame jokes about sex sometimes, of course he's a guy I get it.. But I just don't understand why it bothers me so much. I don't really know what's his attention on. Even if I did ask him, obviously if he wants sex he's not going to tell me that. He's just going to lie and say : Baby, I love you for you and blablablabla. And if he didn't want me for sex, he would say the same thing. At first I was really happy with him, I was feeling free and happy with myself.. But, since he told me his ex was after him because she regrets to leave him, that another girl asked him to have sex with her, I don't know I'm just.. I froze. See, my body isn't like the others. And that's why it scares me to lose my virginity because we all know that relationships (most of them) at our age doesn't last. And I don't want him to see my body and just, walk away and tell everyone about it. Or even if he doesn't, when it won't last anymore, I will feel soooooo embarassed to know that he saw my body and that I could just see him walking on the street and be with someone else. He's very sweet, but unfortunately it doesn't cost anything to say things like that. I just really really hate that feeling that our generation is about sex and whatever I'll do to avoid it, I'll have to do it.. It scares me more than anything.

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello lola,

I can see that all theses questions takes much space in your life right now. Which is the case for most teens.

Everyone has a unique body type and it's not always easy to accept ours, because we tend to admire or at least like other people's body more. Our first sexual relationship brings up all sorts of different insecurities because it's a time where we need to show our bodies, self-disclosure very intimate aspects of ourselves about our sexuality. When we are in an intimate moment we are always taking a risk of being rejected. It's a choice that we have to make consciously. What will hurt the most for you if you are rejected? Do you believe that's a real possibility? Would you want to talk about your insecurities with your boyfriend before your first sexual relationship? Why or why not?

Sometimes we are not yet ready to have sex with our partners and that's alright as well. What are you reasons for wanting to have sex with him? Do you think they are good or bad reasons? What would that change for you? Some people do it not to lose their boyfriend, pressure from friends, curiosity, love, sexual exploration, pleasure. What would be the advantages and disadvantages of doing it now versus later? These are all questions that we need to take the time to reflect on. There not always easy to answer because they are not black or white questions. Do you want to give yourself some time to reflect on all this?

Have a nice day!


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