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[ How can I deal with it? ]

Mine - girl - 16 ans (29 January 2013)

I have been in love with my friend for a year. This guy is kind of my best friend at school. We are always together at school because he doesn't have much friends at school. I planned on confessing my feelings for him before valentine's day just to get rid of this unrequited love. But now I don't know if i should do it. He just meet a girl and he's totally in love with her and the girl, I think she also likes him. I really want him to know my feelings because whenever he talks about her I always get jealous even if I'm in no position to feel possessive. What I'm afraid is about what's gonna happen after my confession. I don't want it to be awkward. So my question is should i confess or not? If I confess, how should i deal with the awkwardness? If I don't confess, how should I deal with my feelings? I'm sorry, I don't know if this is one problem or not, but please help me. Thank you for giving advices in this matter. -Mine.

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello Mine,

Mixing friendship and romantic love can become quite complicated. This is something that happens to many people. When it comes to revealing our strong feelings for someone, there is always a risk involved. We can never be entirely sure about how the other person is going to react or feel. It inevitably changes a relationship because there is a new element in the dynamic that wasn't present before. We can still evaluate, even if it's not precise, how the other person might feel about us. We can than decide if it's best for us and the relationship to reveal our feelings or not. How do you perceive his feelings towards you? Has he shown any sign of interest other than a friendship with you? Have you ever shown the possibility of your friendship being a romantic one? It's possible that he has never taken the risk to show you his true feelings towards you because he was afraid of your reaction. Do you think that could be a possibility? Would you be willing to open up in a discreet way so that he may open up as well?

Once we have a better idea about how our friend feels towards us, we than have to decide if we want to express our love. If we sense that he might be interested, it's up to you to take the chance of possibly changing your friendship into a romantic relationship. Flirting is a great way to show our interest and to also peek the interest in the other person towards us. Sometimes the other person has never thought of us that way, because it's a side we never showed to them. Would you like to flirt with him to arouse his interest towards you? How would you go at it? There is no one way of flirting, but eye contact, smiling, physically touching and genuine compliments can go a long way towards showing and arousing romantic or sexual interest.

It's possible that you also sense that he wouldn't or doesn't share any romantic feelings with you. Some people are incapable of keeping there feelings a secret and they just want to get it out there even though the relationship might change. Others choose to keep it for themselves and suffer in silence. What do you think is the easiest for you? How have you managed so far to keep this to yourself? What makes you want to express your feelings now, rather than before? It's not really easy seeing someone we love in another persons arms. We always have this feeling of wanting to be in that persons place. Everyone finds their own ways of coping with the hurt. What do you do to soothe your feelings when they hurt? Although, there is one thing that can help, when it comes to this situation. It's feeling happy for the person we love that they have found love. It's also remembering that we can also find it, and that feelings towards that person can change as well.

If you decide to tell him and he is not interested, how do you think the dynamic between you and him will be? Will it be awkward for you, for him or both? Do you think that you could both get past it and your feelings will eventually wane out for him? Or do you think that seeing him with another girl will only make you hurt more? Theses questions are really hard to answer and it's even harder to take a decision. Unfortunately, you are the only person who can decide because you are the one that will have to live with the situation. It can help to make a list of the pros and cons of each situation, but in the end we have to accept that we can't get the best of both worlds. It's now up to you to decide which choice you are willing to live with.

Sometimes taking risks can be rewarding or painful, but we always end up getting back up and learning from that experience. By avoiding the risk, we are left with a feeling of "what could have been?". Which feeling do you want to have?

Have a nice day and good luck with your friend. I wish you the best!


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