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[ Toxic relationship ? ]

Lostsoul - girl - 17 ans (4 March 2015)

Hi, I feel stuck between the person I want to be and the person I am. I feel like I want to be selfless, honest and caring ... But every time I hurt I become the exact opposite. I do well for awhile and I'm actually proud of who I am. And then something will happen and I will be disgusted in myself and feel like a waste of space. I hate the way I can act. I have trouble coping with my guilt. i just got out of a relationship that didn't make me happy because i couldn't trust her ... My ex and I are still deeply in love and we don't want to end everything. But she keeps on reminding me that the person i want to be would never act a certain way that doesn't please her. I feel like she keeps on smashing me to pieces. I believe i could learn to trust her again in a certain future and so i don't want to completely cut off everything. What am I suppose to do with this? We are both self harmers and we have both been supporting each other through recovery, she can't talk to others like we talk and i can't talk to others the way i do with her. I don't want to let her or myself down. But i have no idea how to deal with this. If you have any clue , i'll be forever grateful to you for sharing them.

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello Lostsoul!

First, I'd like to thank you for the trust your have in Tel-jeunes by sharing this difficult situation with us.

Sometimes dealing with past relationship can be difficult. There is not one specific way to deal with it. No matter what choice you will make, there will be a positive and a negative side. Do you agree, Lostsoul?

We usually base our choices on our values, our feelings, our goals, the positive and negative aspects that this person brings to our life, etc. On what would you like to base your decision? The most important thing is to ask yourself what would be the best for you. You could also think the things you are ready to acept in the relationship and set your limits.

Some people will completly stop being in touch with eachother forever or for awhile. Some people will keep in touch but not share intimate moment and will decide to stay friends. This is up to you. To help you take a decision, would you like to take some time to think about it? Sometimes thinking a small step from a situation can help us see some aspects we hadn't think about when we were right into it. You could take time to write down the pros and cons of your options and see what seems to be the best for you. What do you think, Lostsoul?

Dont hesite to write to us again if you have more question.

Take care of yourself Lostsoul,


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