Young people’s questions

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[ Love ]

Martin Shih - boy - 16 ans (22 May 2011)

When I was in forth grade, I met this girl and ever since we met, we became best friends. Now, we're both in sec 4 and we're both in the same class and we're still best friends. We said to each other that we'll live together when we graduate from university and we also said that we we're going to marry each other. I'm in love with her and she's in love with me too. However, she doesn't want to go out with me. She says, I quote, " I don't want to admit that I love you but I do love you" When I asked her why she didn't want to be with me she said "Because I don't want to go out with you" When she said those words, I was sad but I thought that it was ok and that everything was going to be alright. But that's the thing! I feel as if she's sending me 2 different messages. The first 1 is coming from her mouth saying that she doesn't want to be with me but her body language is telling me something different. She holds my hand, she touches my leg, she comes really close to me. I just feel oh so very confused... I don't know what to think and I don't know what to do. I don't know what she really wants and I don't know anything anymore. One day she would tell me that she loves me and the next day she would tell me to forget whatever we had talked about. Why is she like this... WHY?? Each night we would talk for hours and hours on the phone. Why just now we were talking and then she hung up angrily. Why is she like this and what am I supposed to do? Please help, I can't take this anymr

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hi Martin!

Love can really make us go through a roller coaster of emotions!

We cannot control other people's thoughts, feelings or behaviour. We can only control our own behaviour, make choices that will fulfill our needs, including the need to love and be loved. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you why your friend is acting like this. The only person who can tell you what she wants would be her, do you agree? Did you try telling her how her behaviour makes you feel? You know, even if we cannot control other people's feelings or behaviour, we can communicate how we feel, what we want and where we hope to go. In your situation, some people choose to ask direct questions in order to get more clarity, by saying, for example : "your behaviour is mixing me up, you say you don't want to go out with me, but I feel that you are flirting with me, am I right?". This way, we can get true answers, don't you think?

Sometimes, even with clear questions, we don't get clear answers. Each person has personnal values, beliefs, thoughts and perceptions. You perceive she is sending you 2 messages and maybe she does feel confused, but you have a choice : you stay there, hope and wait, or aknowledge your own need to be loved and move on to find a person that will love you the way you want. It's your choice!

You can call us 24/7 if you want to discuss this further, we will be happy to help you! Do not hesitate!

Take good care of yourself,

Tel-jeunes

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