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[ How can I cope with this? ]

Co0Li3 - girl - 14 ans (13 August 2008)

Hi Tel-Jeunes. My mom and my dad had many problems that have affected me alot emotionally (not that they fight all the time but when they do, it hits me hard). Every time that they fight in front of my sister and I, we start crying and I always feel hatred against my dad (which I wonder why). After these kinds of things, I want to contact either a psychologist or someone that can help me cope with these problems. So, I'd like to know how can I unload all this pain, anger and sadness inside of me and when should I get professional help (just in case)? Thanks.

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello Co0Li3! Writing to us was a good idea.

To witness our parents’ fights is not easy. I understand this situation makes you go through a lot of different emotions. Unfortunately, we can not force people we love not to fight. Do you agree with me? Fortunately, we do have the control over ourselves. This means we can decide how we’re going to deal with a situation, what we’re going to put in place to feel better, etc. You can put your energy on things you can change and do to raise your sense of well-being. Tell me, do your parents know how you feel when they fight? Do you think talking to them about it could help?

I understand this situation can be overwhelming for you. Tell me, what can help you when a fight is going on in your home? What can you do at this moment? When we can’t stop a fight from happening, we need to find ways to protect ourselves. Do you understand? Do you have ideas of how you can protect yourself? For example, you could go into your room and listen to music, leave the house with your sister, call a friend or Tel-jeunes, etc. If you need to express your emotion in a more physical way, what could you do? Some people will prefer to write or draw. And you, what will be the tools you’ll use to feel better?

When we go through a difficult time like it is the case for you, we may need support. It’s important to have someone we can talk to when we need it. Tell me, are there people of trust around you that you can talk to? When we feel the need to and we think it might help, that’s the moment we need to get professional help. What do you think about making an appointment with your school counsellor in September? If you need to, remember you can always call us at 1 800 263-2266 (24/7).

I wish you good luck and I count on you to call us if you need to. Take care!

Tel-jeunes

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