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[ The fear of being gay ]

anglais - boy - 16 ans (9 March 2009)

For two years I have had the fear of being gay although I don't think I am. I just get this «and if I was» kind of though all the time. I have never had an erection in front of a man and am very excited sexually about girls. I've masturbated for years and have a very happy sex life with my girlfriend but this fear goes on... and if i was. This makes me very uncomfortable with naked men or even with my friends because I just try to picture myself with them to see if i am and it makes me really uncomfortable. Also I sometimes fell like no heterosexual guy is scared about that and that I must be gay to be scared about that. Or a little voices always come back to say «and what if you were in denial». Anyway am I normal? Am I gay because i'm scared about that?

Tel-jeunes’ answer


This fear seems to take a lot of importance in your everyday life. It’s a good idea to ask for some help.

We actually receive a lot of messages from young people, girls or boys, who wonder about being homosexual or not. You know, self-questioning is completely normal and begins at adolescence. Some find it easier than others. Adolescence is a period of discovery: how we are, what we like, who we want to be, etc... Our sexual orientation is a part of our identity. Some people go through periods of doubts which are completely normal. Do you understand what I mean?

Being heterosexual or homosexual involves more than sexual desire. It’s also our capacity to be in love and to see ourself in a relationship with the person. We also have to keep in mind that sexual orientation isn’t a disease… It’s not something that could pop-up at any time. It’s part of our identity, of how we perceive our self. Do you understand what I mean?

After reading my message, how do you feel? If you feel that this fear is taking too much importance in your life or if it’s seems out of your control, don’t hesitate to go talk to the school counsellor. This person could help you. Ok?

I also invite you to read our web site SEXUALITY section. It contains more info about sexual orientation.

Take care!


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