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[ Am I a lesbian? ]

confusedandscared - girl - 20 ans (5 September 2008)

It all started when I was in camp and about 14 years old. There was a female counsellor and at one point I had a tingly feeling down there when I saw her. Since then, it seems that I liked some guys but not that many. I never really had any serious relationships, nor sex. Since then, I started working somewhere where the bosses daughters were also working and I would sometimes get that same tingly feeling when I saw them. Recently, I went on vacation with a couple of girls and one of them told me to put my head on her shoulder when we were in a tour bus. That day and after that day, I felt that feeling again (I guess its being horny). Now that we are back from the vacation, I think about this girl and want to see her as much as possible. I never really think "I want to have sex with her" but I do think she is hot and I do get that tingly feeling. Does all this mean I am a lesbian? I don't know what to think anymore...and what should I do to be sure whether I am or not?

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello,

I understand you’re feeling lost about your sexual identity. It’s a good idea to seek help!

You know, a lot of people question their sexual orientation; it’s part of our identity as a person. It’s normal; we all want to understand who we are. But sometimes, we don’t find the answer right away.

I want this to be clear for you: you are totally normal. A lot of people go through the same thing.
There is no method to “make sure” whether or not we are homosexual. We can all have a different path to find out. It’s normal to go through a lot of emotions when we question that aspect of our life.

Some people are sure about their sexual orientation from a young age. Other people need some time to figure it out. And it’s ok. Our life experiences are an opportunity to learn about ourselves. Sometimes the answer will come later on, as we go through life. Do you understand what I mean?

Also, our sexual orientation doesn’t only refer to sexuality. It’s also our capacity to love the person; to see ourselves in a committed relationship. Do see what I mean? For example, a girl could have a sexual experience with another girl. But maybe she doesn’t consider herself a lesbian because she would not be in a committed relationship with a girl. Do you understand?

Tell me, what if you don’t find the answer right now? At this moment of your life, do you really need to put yourself in a category? Are you ready to give yourself some time to find out? Do you feel like your future experiences will also be a chance to learn more about this aspect of your life?

I let you think about it. We are always available for you!

Tel-jeunes

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