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[ how can I find a guy for me? ]

liar in diskise - girl - 16 ans (16 July 2009)

Hi I have a big problem. I lie alot about everything specialy about my verginity I told my friends I lost my verginity at the age of 14 but thats a lie the truth is I'm still a vergine. I have a wieght problem so its hard for me to find a guy that loves me. I really want a boyfriend and I really want to have sex because I know I'm ready but no one loves me and I have this secret crush on a guy but I know what type of girls he likes and I'm wayy out of his leag. I do alot of stuff to look good infront of my friends and I'm ashamed of it but that was in the past I try not to lie as much and so far I havent lied for 3 weeks and I'm happy about that but that wont solve my sexual problem can you help me ........???????

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hello "liar in diskise"! Thank you for writing to us and trusting us with your personal problems.

I feel what you're going through is very difficult for you. I understand your need for love, sexuality and wanting to be accepted by your friends. You know, those are perfectly natural needs you have. Did you know that many girls your age write to us about very similar situations? Yes, for many, it's hard finding love and the wait for their first sexual experiences can seem to be very long! Also, many find it difficult telling their friends that they never had a sexual partner because they feel different, embarrassed or abnormal. I understand you may be worried, but as I told you, many many girls your age never had sex, never had a boyfriend or loved someone and many of them who don't accept this reality don't like to talk about it to their friends. Does this make you feel a little better "liar in diskise"?

At your age, it’s also natural to be curious about sex, to be very interested in it, to think about it a lot and to feel physical needs to have sex. But do you know why it’s so important for you "liar in diskise"? Why are you so impatient to have sex? What could you get from that experience? Do you feel pressure to have sex as soon as possible to be like some of your friends or to be like you told them you were? Do you pressure yourself? If so, do you think this pressure helps you right now? Would you like to work on accepting that so far, you didn’t have sex? Could you find ways to stop seeing it so negatively? Could this help you feel better about yourself and even help you wait for the right moment?

I understand from your message that you would like to have a boyfriend and that would be your way of satisfying your sexual needs (and probably other needs too). Unfortunately, we can’t make love appear before our eyes when we want it and we will all have moments in our life where we will need sex but won’t have a partner. Do you agree with me "liar in diskise"? So what could you do to satisfy your sexual needs even if you don’t have a boyfriend? As you know, those physical needs can be satisfied with a partner or alone. What could satisfy, even partly, your desire for sex? Do you want to read about it and be informed, explore your sexuality with masturbation and if you already do that, find ways to make it more satisfying? By the way, did you know that masturbation can be a very good practice for sex? It helps you know your body, what kind of touches and stimulations you like, how you can get an orgasm, learn to be comfortable with your body and nudity, in short, all very important knowledge we should all have before having sex with a partner. I’ll let you think about all of that. If you have questions about how to make a boyfriend or on how to improve your self esteem, don’t hesitate to write to us again, ok? We are here for you whenever you need it. Take care "liar in diskise" !

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