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[ My friend got raped ]

rosj5409 - girl - 16 ans (21 March 2010)

A while back my friend told me something personal. One day, she was walking home around 5 in the afternoon and that a guy screamed out that she lost something. Confused, she turned around and got abruptly pushed to the floor. She then proceeded to tell me he tried something but she pushed him off and that was all. However, almost a year later, she confesses to have lied to me and tell me he raped her while walking home late at night. I don't know what to do. She tells me she's fine, that she's forgetting about it and that she doesn't even remember his face anyways. I'm worried about her and I don't know what im supposed to do. Do I just not bring it up and leave it at that?

Tel-jeunes’ answer

Hi rosj5409. Helping a friend isn't always that easy, isn't it?

But you know, the first thing a friend needs when something very bad happens, is to know that someone will be there to listen when she'll need to talk. Do you think you could be that person?

Listening to a friend who needs help is being able to respect her own rhythm in a non-judgment approach. Is it what you're doing right now? Victims of rape often need time to make peace with their own feelings before they decide to get some help. Talking to a person with whom they feel respected is often the first step to recovery. Do you think it could be what's happening with your friend?

Some victims of rape can get through it on their own. But the most part of them will sometime need help. It's often when they're having sexual problems with their partner that they'll finally go get some. Is it possible that your friend isn't ready to get help right now?

Whenever she's ready, she could call her CLSC or the CALACS (rape victim’s center) of your area. You can call us to get the number. It would also be a good idea to get tested for STD. If she doesn't want to tell what happened just yet, she could say that she got a non-protected intercourse.

In the meantime, don't forget that you have your own limits and that you shouldn't take your friend’s entire burden on your shoulders. You can be a friend but you're not a therapist. And if you don't feel comfortable with what your friend’s telling you, you won't be able to help her. You can always talk to an adult about what helping your friend makes you feel. You can also call us. We'll be there for you.

Take good care of yourself and don't ever hesitate to call if you need it.


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